process

the 'tion' of work

experimentation, semi-satisfaction

     execution !!!!

dissatisfaction

        research,

                         !!!! meeting .... !!!! satisfaction ! 
…. trepidation

… … … procrastination … ….

experimentation    creation     !! SATISFACTION !!

(sleep) deprivation,

execution,

 frustration [PERIOD]

red & pastel pink lips. 
not new, but i threw this
 together and thought 'WOW'

providing 'injuries' for  a
girl scout troop to treat

 

for a music video ... actress lisa levan plays a doll.  brian sutherland is a dopey, sweet guy looking for love.

had several pictures to post but between moving them from my phone and finding them on my computer … well, there are fewer pictures than I intended.)

I continue to feel especially fortunate that my need for artistic creation is creating a need for my artistic creation.  the process still feels slow and muddy …. BUT!  I had a moment of light this past week.  during a period of procrastination, I decided I needed products (yeah, the truth is that I am a product junkie.)  arriving home, my arms stained with store testers – (HA!  like a drug addict) I pulled my new goodies out and started to apply over my current makeup just wanting to see how each felt, mixed, glided, stayed or stained.  right there, texture, that is my high!  anyway, this is the feeling I have been looking to have again … no predetermined judgment, just experimenting with something new and enjoying that process AND finding great happiness and satisfaction with what I could do.  then … the next day happened ….

I felt FABULOUSLY prepared for work and sooooo ready to create a masterpiece everyone would oooooouuuuu and aaaaaaaahhhhh over.  fast forward, I am now holding up production (BIG no no … thank goodness I was working with such a forgiving and kind team).  the director comes into our little trailer and I find myself standing between him and talent because I simply wasn’t satisfied with what I created.  it was not what I pictured in my mind.  thankfully, on-set the look seemed to read well on camera.  will hold my breath till I can see the end result.

recently went to the 'gauguin' exhibit.  according to the audio guide, at one of his exhibits in france, someone (critic, contemporary, gallery owner????) commented that gauguin was so very talented - too bad with it he couldn't discover his own style.  EEEK!  i heard that and completely related.  BUT, because that comment stuck, i noticed my work with new eyes ... not negatively, just thinking how i would develop my 'look'.